Hey, High School Me
What I’ve learned since starting that journey all those years ago
“Las Cruces and Springfield High classes of 1997,” I begin my commencement speech. But not commencement as in the graduation ceremony — rather the actual commencement of the journey. It honestly has never made sense to me that an ending ceremony is called a beginning in The States, but that debate isn’t why I’m here putting this on (electronic) paper, so I digress. What I’m talking about is the start of it all. That moment when we all walk into the place where we’ll spend the next four years of our lives (or one year at one place and three at another, in my case) as an awkward, recently-promoted high schooler.
What if that was a thing? Allowing these new entrants to take a stab at what they hoped or expected to learn while there? To help their classmates and educators frame and guide their experience? Aspirational, no doubt, and a lot wouldn’t take it seriously… but some will. And it could be interesting to gather these, share them, and then put them away to revisit at a later date, like a time capsule. (And FWIW, when we revisit them, it may be equally as enlightening for those who didn’t take it seriously as those who did.)
Well, I haven’t just been working and binge-watching garbage TV during COVID lockdown (I’ve definitely been doing that)… I’ve also been thinking a lot about this kind of stuff. That’s probably because sometimes not interacting face-to-face and smiling (or scowling) at someone other than your spouse will turn you pretty damn introspective. As wonderful as our significant others may be, we social beings need other people. So, sometimes, we just think. And I’ve been thinking of this.
What are my high school acquaintances like? Not my friends, I know what they’re up to. But all the people I knew and cared about, but were never particularly close enough with to have kept in touch all these years. And I’m not talking about the personas they present to us on social media. What are they actually like? What really makes them tick? So I started thinking about what I learned with and from all of these people, who may or may not know it, in an attempt to boil it down enough to thank them for helping guide me in figuring out who I honestly am over all these years.
What would I say to us as a young newly-minted freshman, as I look back at what they taught me that I’ve carried with me and continued to learn since then? I’ve found four key themes, so here goes nothing:
Be Kind.
Yeah, yeah, I get it, but seriously. Be kind. And not just the “don’t be an asshole” kind. Like, learn to practice genuine kindness. Learn to listen. You never know who might teach you invaluable lessons. Do everything you can to learn empathy now. This life skill will serve you well for the rest of your life and will pay greater dividends than any other. You’ll likely find that being kind and empathetic will prove very hard at times, but stick with it. It’s worth it, I promise.
Be Present.
Four years is a long time to be in one place, but do whatever you can to learn to be present now. We all want to move onto the next big thing in our lives, but now’s as good a time as any to learn to be in the moment — even when it’s 27 minutes left in the most boring class ever. Only you will live this experience and no two people will ever have the same one, so be in it. Trust me, his mental muscle is one of the most important ones to learn to flex early.
Be Bold.
Experiment. Stretch. Try new things that make you uncomfortable. We’re all awkward right now, so you have license to try some stuff you’re certain to be bad at. And that’s okay. You may just find something you’re good at, too. And since we’re doing this kindness thing, we’re all giving one another, and ourselves, the grace through the learning curve. When JFK was making his moonshot speech, he said “do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills.” So, do them.
Be Yourself.
As you’re working on developing these big life skills, don’t lose sight of who you are — even if you’re figuring it out. Check in with yourself often. Maybe you’ll learn that the thing you loved so much as a kid no longer sparks joy. Good. People grow and change and a big part of learning who you are is learning to let go. Now you know and you can figure out what does. It won’t always be easy to figure out who you are and what makes you tick, but if you push yourself and allow yourself to learn from these experiences and from others, you’ll get there. Be gentle with yourself if you don’t have your entire life charted out by graduation. It’s okay. Some people know from the age of five that they’re destined to be a doctor. Some of them get there and some of them don’t. And some of us spend a lot of time figuring out what we want to be when we grow up.
Life is hard and for different reasons and at different times for each of us, but I’ve found that if I don’t lose sight of these four key lessons that I started learning in high school but continue to learn each day, I can keep myself grounded enough to take stock of who I am and what matters. And in another 20 years, I’ll probably look back at this and think I still had so much learning of these lessons still to do.
I’m not a particularly wise or special person, just someone who has been fortunate to have experienced a lot of wonderful people who’ve taught me a lot and hopefully someone, somewhere can find some wisdom in this post. If not, at least I was able to get it out in the world, like my soul was demanding.
Be Kind. Be Present. Be Bold. Be Yourself. …and never stop growing.
